For Nesta, :)

BELIEVE by R. David and A.Gorospe

Verse1:
TAKE THE STEP JOURNEY WITH ME
LEAVE THE BOAT INTO THE SEA
NOTHING IS FOR CERTAIN WILL YOU SUCCEED
(BUT) YOU WONT KNOW IF YOU WONT BELIEVE

MIGHTY SHIPS SANK DOWN TO THE DEEP
IT’S NOT ABOUT STRENGTH WHEN YOU’RE ON THE SEA
(BUT) HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO DEPEND ON ME
TRUST YOUR FAITH I’LL CARRY YOUR DREAMS

Chorus:
BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE, WHEN THE WAVES ARE HIGH
BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE I AM AT YOUR SIDE

BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE WALK THROUGH STORMY SKIES
BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE I AM AT YOUR SIDE

Verse2:
LISTEN TO THE CRY OF YOUR HEART
WALK THIS FAITH TOWARDS YOUR DREAMS
WAVES MIGHT BE BIGGER AND SO IS THE FEAR
BOTH WILL FADE WHEN YOU BELIEVE

YOU’RE NOT ALONE YOU’RE HERE WITH ME
DON’T BE AFRAID YOU KNOW I WON’T FAIL
NOTHING IS FOR CERTAIN WILL YOU SUCCEED
(BUT) YOU WONT KNOW IF YOU WONT BELIEVE

The End and yet another Beginning

"2009 was going to be the year of the hunt, the hunt for what I really want in this life, want would really make me happy, the quest to find, not the perfect wife, but a wife that I want." -taken from a blog entry titled "Pero...and the last day of the year" Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Having found the truth of my love for Carmela Jane I tried reflecting the scourge of the previous years that gave my soul its wounds of wisdom. And lo and behold these words rang true like a prophet's voice. Finally, I have made a decision according to the perfect will of the LORD Jesus Christ. The years 2005 to 2008 were years of hearing of the LORD and have heard wrong. 2009 has become the transition from that sorry state into what I am now: decisions based on the unchangeable Truth rather than the undeniable feelings. The quest to find the perfect wife ended in despair, woe, sorrow and unquenchable melancholy. The quest to find the wife that I want only took less than a month and it brought forth happiness, joy, contentment, peace and above all a maturity that causes to see God more clearly.

I am nearing the end of 2009 and with my work in Genesis records with Kuya Mike and my constant battle against the deceitful rage of my heart to keep my love for Carmela alive I expect greater things to come this 2010.

If 2009 has become the end of things for me, then 2010 will be officially the start of new beginnings, the search for another search, the question imposing "what now?"

Happiness is a very busy fellow, though. I am sad to say I could no longer write the same way as before. People around as well as circumstances can be very imposing to one when one is happy.

But the LORD remains faithful. Is there any better conclusion than that?

On bullets, trains and sailboats

I tried to take a peek into the lives of some of my old acquaintances and friends and have ascertained that for such a short span of time, less than a decade to be exact, the distance between me and them seemed like ages already. I'm twenty-one which means I've met them at the point where time seems to speed like a restless highway, the hormones of puberty won't rest at all. I can't help but wonder how, since '05, the year I first entered college, and I died about that time...and I until now I have not stopped dying ever since.

I'm still dying, like how a bullet that was supposed to pass through the skull in nanoseconds was stretched into years and it's now 2009 ans still the bullet's not done with me. What the hell is going on? I don't really know. All I know is that God is control and somehow, somewhere beyond the horizon, lay the fulfillment of a promise He told me a long, long time ago.

Five years ain't supposed to be a very long time, but it is for me. Whenever I walk through the mall, or through the alleys of my town, or even mingle at church, I see myself standing in the edge by the tracks of a train station with everyone else inside that train passing by me. The world and everyone in it was headed off somewhere and somehow something inside of me tells me not to go in that direction.

You see, I didn't want a train. I'd prefer an airplane or a helicopter. Or better yet, I prefer a train of my own. I don't like the idea of riding other people's trains. I'd like them to ride in mine. And if there is a train I'd like to catch that would be the Lord's but God wasn't fond of trains. You see, God's idea of divine guidance is not that of a train guided by train tracks so construed--His can be likened to the wind of a sailboat, just don't go against Him and with so much freedom He can bring us to so many places we haven't heard of before, and we have a contribution to that direction, so very different from that of a train.

God didn't make robots. He'd risk having to have sin enter His world than to have mindless idiots following Him around so pathetically.

Nicholas Herman has had a glimpse of that sailboat reality when he lived out a lifestyle of, in his words, the practice of the presence of God. One cannot move without yielding the sails to the winds, but once the sails catch the breeze, adventure will not be far behind.

Maybe the reason why I'm such a standstill is not that the winds aren't blowing, but that I have endured too many storms at open sea to let loose my sails once more.

I have to. I have to loosen up these sails. I cannot stay in living limbo forever. God is waiting for my decision.

Here I go, Lord.

Springtime, a Winter's slumber

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1, King James Version


I know two things as a fact today: one, the days of loneliness in my life are over; two, those days of loneliness will return someday, when life once again draws full circle. Not that life is merely a repetition of yesterday, no. You see, what happened yesterday will happen again and will happen tomorrow, true, but the people who were, are and will be involved are unique. Some will be heroes. Others will be mere scum.

The question is, as winter comes to a close, will I act nobly, or otherwise? Well, for one thing, to not appreciate springtime is to throw away every tear you've shed in waiting for it all throughout winter. On the other hand, to indulge in it is to forget that not too far away another winter waits to smile its hideous grin against you.

I thank God He sent His Son and invented Christmas--it made cruel winter a wonderland. Somehow. I think.

Get to the point! Well, the point is, I have to be careful in enjoying myself in summer's embrace, lest I forget that just barely a few weeks ago I was at the edge of my reason because of the pain at the primacy of loneliness over delight.

It's funny how one needed a reason to be happy, whilst melancholy can easily stand on its own.

But come to think of it, technology has not only made winter bearable, but made it fit into our puny little human hands. Maybe because we were in God's image and His dominion over all things is very much reflected in those who resemble Him most.

Dominion it is. Springtime and Summer were made to help us conquer the coldness of Winter. It is, as with the fable of the ant and the grasshopper, and the power of grace and wisdom kept in the heart of man, like a nuclear reactor, brimming with heat, with strength, with constancy.

Well, it seems I have work to do.

Resilience

I kept meditating on Psalm 145 and 146 lately. It's because of a simple phrase that these two psalms had in common.

"The LORD lifts up those who are bowed down..."

I've come to discover that there is this certain quality of my life and my faith that seems to go through each year, resembling that of a perennial season. It was as the same as last year's, and at that time I had Psalm 71 to comfort me then.

"Though you've made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again...and comfort me once again."

And this season is always characterized by three factors:

1. It will always involves a Psalm or two.

2. There is an overpowering high tide of loneliness that finds its source in waiting for God's promise to be brought into fulfillment.

3. A heightened hunger for being alone with God is awakened within me--awakened by the insufficiency of life and everything and everyone around me.

I seem to like this kind of season, though. But it was not an easy task of getting used to. Just last year I was over at the edge of a psychological breakdown. Somehow school and this season don't mix well at all. I kept looking at God's pulling me out of Ateneo--and this time for good--meant a loss for me. But now as the season is once more entering my life, I've begun to see His academic pull-out was actually a noble act of thoughtful mercy. He even risked me getting mad at Him extremely for the sake of sparing me another year in hell because of this.

What gets my attention is that God puts top priority in me mastering and weathering out this season of my life more than a diploma or a college degree. This season, this moment of despair, this wilderness-like drought, I am convinced, is a crucial element within my calling. Not to mention most of my more anointed songs like My Beloved and Maranatha were born in such seasons.

Could it be that this season, in such spiritual conditions, is the spawning time of the songs God placed within me from eternity ago?

He seems to delight in my Spirit-led resilience to tension and external trauma. I wasn't meant to fight back--I tried that once and it only led to tragic consequences with epic losses such as with Hazel Ann, Raisa, and Nicole, to name a few. Escape also is out of the question--doing that almost led me to backsliding with Haydee. Apathy is not a good choice either--I lost my sobriety once through that.

The solution? Endure. Stand. Adapt. Like what Daniel did in the Lion's den. Like what the three friends of Daniel did in the furnace. Like what Jesus did in the streets of Golgotha.

A good friend of mine defined it as "a baptism of fire." And yes, it's here once more. So here I am, worshiping, waiting, enduring. Once again it has become a matter of hope, the essence of Christianity, faith holding strong, love gently dying one day at a time.

Tell My brothers

"Tell My brothers..." -the Resurrected Jesus Christ c/o Matthew 28:10

We always portray Christ crucified, but that's only half the story. We always talk about our struggles, our persecutions, our trials, our temptations, our failures, our worries, our ministries, our hindrances, our problems, our storms, our darkness--but let me tell my brothers that this is still only half the story.

Jesus died. True. But Jesus is not dead. And that's true as well. We serve a Living God. We worship a God who listens to our hearts, who sees with His eyes, who keeps His promises, and He will never die again!

Hear the three most powerful words:

"IT IS FINISHED!!!"

He didn't say, "it will be finished." He didn't say, "it will soon be over." He didn't say, "someday it will be done."

He said, "it is finished!"

And after that He said, "tell My brothers."

Tell His brothers and sisters, those who are dying daily by carrying their crosses, that the most powerful force in the universe was exerted not in the streets or in the churches or in the pulpit! The most powerful force in the universe, the Resurrection Power of Christ, is found in the tomb. Tell them that sleep in the tombs of their trials, hardships and failures, tell His brothers, "He is alive!"

Go ahead. In your spirit go talk to your Jesus. Touch His wounds. Put your fingers by His side, feel the holes man has made on Him. Let yourself know by the Holy Spirit that lives within you how real and how alive is Jesus Christ.

Before you proceed, pause. Get your hands away from the keyboard. Close the monitor. Put down the volume of your sound system or headphone until you hear nothing except yourbeating heart and the sound of your breathing. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, shut out everything around you, and call out to Him, with your lips, with your tongue, with your vocal chords, say it! Say it out loud! Call out His Name! Say it!

Say, "Jesus."

Now that you have seen and have heard and touched Him, Jesus calls out to you, dear reader.

"Go, tell My brothers...they will see Me."

The Evolution of My Heart

For Alyssa,


It all began with John 3:16. My dad told me that salvation is not just necessary but can be so easily and freely obtained. Sometime when I was seven years old, in front of the old traffic light that no longer existed a few feet away from Sta. Lucia Grand Mall, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I remembered it was an overcast day, a Sunday morning as we were going to church. It rained that day. And that is also the story how I fell in love with the rain.

But then my spiritual growth would be stunted to give way to my somewhat unusual carefree childhood. As a young boy of nine, I knew too much but practiced too little. It was in these days I started to live a double-life. A worldly kid in school, a "godly" kid in church, an indolent kid at home. Back then I remembered a day when I was disciplined by my mother and as punishment I would write down "I will not disobey again" for one hundred times. It was the day I learned the incredible power of writing, the real meaning of repentance, and the ability of God to subdue our weaknesses and sinful nature in the flood of His love. It was a friday night. And it was also the first time I was baptized by Christ in the Holy Spirit. I worshiped Him all night til 3am in the morning. I was nine years old.

Spirit without God's Word will blow you up the way billion pounds of air pressure crashes into a balloon not big enough. I still continued to live a double-life and yet haunted everyday by the Spirit's conviction. It tore me apart from within. I began to rebel against family. I became direly confused. I didn't know what to do. It was the time God led me to a specific verse in Scripture, Colossians 2:6,7. Growth came in growing deeper roots into Christ and I began to fight back against sin.

High School became the biggest downfall for me. The sins came back in greater force than ever before. In a time when I was spent and crumbled in all my moral will, God came to the rescue in the form of a youth camp in Lemery, Batangas. The age of Trying ended. The age of Relying began. It came in double-strength, the wind of God. This time it was no longer me growing deeper in God; it was God going deeper into me. It was the day I desired to give God a home. In a world that never once accepted Him, I would give Him a dwelling place. In a world where the Son of Man had no place to rest His head, let Him rest His head in my heart. I determined to make my life a home for God. The verse was Nahum 1:7. He has been a refuge for me. I would now be a refuge for Him, although I still barely understand what that meant c.a. 2003.

Somewhere in between, Satan attacked the one place he knew God loved in me the most: my heart. I fell in love with an unbeliever.

It was at this point in time I made my first songs. In my heart would God create His songs, and Satan knew if he had to destroy my ministry, he would definitely aim at my heart.

But God won me back. He sent an angel right then and there in the midst of my would be first and last date with the girl. He asked, "would you really trade 18 years of my faithfulness for her?"

And from that moment on my heart would be broken and empty. And out of its brokenness and emptiness would God bring forth His melodies into existence. (Rom.4:17)

It was in the rain I knew God. And in the rain I am known by Him. And in the rain will He water the parched souls of this planet. This is my calling. In my incompleteness I am made whole. In my need I am satisfied.

My songs never were never made with endings. Christ Himself must be the ending. And just like a song so would God sing my life into existence. And He will make it beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11,14 ; Rom.8:28)

Amen.