"2009 was going to be the year of the hunt, the hunt for what I really want in this life, want would really make me happy, the quest to find, not the perfect wife, but a wife that I want." -taken from a blog entry titled "Pero...and the last day of the year" Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Having found the truth of my love for Carmela Jane I tried reflecting the scourge of the previous years that gave my soul its wounds of wisdom. And lo and behold these words rang true like a prophet's voice. Finally, I have made a decision according to the perfect will of the LORD Jesus Christ. The years 2005 to 2008 were years of hearing of the LORD and have heard wrong. 2009 has become the transition from that sorry state into what I am now: decisions based on the unchangeable Truth rather than the undeniable feelings. The quest to find the perfect wife ended in despair, woe, sorrow and unquenchable melancholy. The quest to find the wife that I want only took less than a month and it brought forth happiness, joy, contentment, peace and above all a maturity that causes to see God more clearly.
I am nearing the end of 2009 and with my work in Genesis records with Kuya Mike and my constant battle against the deceitful rage of my heart to keep my love for Carmela alive I expect greater things to come this 2010.
If 2009 has become the end of things for me, then 2010 will be officially the start of new beginnings, the search for another search, the question imposing "what now?"
Happiness is a very busy fellow, though. I am sad to say I could no longer write the same way as before. People around as well as circumstances can be very imposing to one when one is happy.
But the LORD remains faithful. Is there any better conclusion than that?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
On bullets, trains and sailboats
I tried to take a peek into the lives of some of my old acquaintances and friends and have ascertained that for such a short span of time, less than a decade to be exact, the distance between me and them seemed like ages already. I'm twenty-one which means I've met them at the point where time seems to speed like a restless highway, the hormones of puberty won't rest at all. I can't help but wonder how, since '05, the year I first entered college, and I died about that time...and I until now I have not stopped dying ever since.
I'm still dying, like how a bullet that was supposed to pass through the skull in nanoseconds was stretched into years and it's now 2009 ans still the bullet's not done with me. What the hell is going on? I don't really know. All I know is that God is control and somehow, somewhere beyond the horizon, lay the fulfillment of a promise He told me a long, long time ago.
Five years ain't supposed to be a very long time, but it is for me. Whenever I walk through the mall, or through the alleys of my town, or even mingle at church, I see myself standing in the edge by the tracks of a train station with everyone else inside that train passing by me. The world and everyone in it was headed off somewhere and somehow something inside of me tells me not to go in that direction.
You see, I didn't want a train. I'd prefer an airplane or a helicopter. Or better yet, I prefer a train of my own. I don't like the idea of riding other people's trains. I'd like them to ride in mine. And if there is a train I'd like to catch that would be the Lord's but God wasn't fond of trains. You see, God's idea of divine guidance is not that of a train guided by train tracks so construed--His can be likened to the wind of a sailboat, just don't go against Him and with so much freedom He can bring us to so many places we haven't heard of before, and we have a contribution to that direction, so very different from that of a train.
God didn't make robots. He'd risk having to have sin enter His world than to have mindless idiots following Him around so pathetically.
Nicholas Herman has had a glimpse of that sailboat reality when he lived out a lifestyle of, in his words, the practice of the presence of God. One cannot move without yielding the sails to the winds, but once the sails catch the breeze, adventure will not be far behind.
Maybe the reason why I'm such a standstill is not that the winds aren't blowing, but that I have endured too many storms at open sea to let loose my sails once more.
I have to. I have to loosen up these sails. I cannot stay in living limbo forever. God is waiting for my decision.
Here I go, Lord.
I'm still dying, like how a bullet that was supposed to pass through the skull in nanoseconds was stretched into years and it's now 2009 ans still the bullet's not done with me. What the hell is going on? I don't really know. All I know is that God is control and somehow, somewhere beyond the horizon, lay the fulfillment of a promise He told me a long, long time ago.
Five years ain't supposed to be a very long time, but it is for me. Whenever I walk through the mall, or through the alleys of my town, or even mingle at church, I see myself standing in the edge by the tracks of a train station with everyone else inside that train passing by me. The world and everyone in it was headed off somewhere and somehow something inside of me tells me not to go in that direction.
You see, I didn't want a train. I'd prefer an airplane or a helicopter. Or better yet, I prefer a train of my own. I don't like the idea of riding other people's trains. I'd like them to ride in mine. And if there is a train I'd like to catch that would be the Lord's but God wasn't fond of trains. You see, God's idea of divine guidance is not that of a train guided by train tracks so construed--His can be likened to the wind of a sailboat, just don't go against Him and with so much freedom He can bring us to so many places we haven't heard of before, and we have a contribution to that direction, so very different from that of a train.
God didn't make robots. He'd risk having to have sin enter His world than to have mindless idiots following Him around so pathetically.
Nicholas Herman has had a glimpse of that sailboat reality when he lived out a lifestyle of, in his words, the practice of the presence of God. One cannot move without yielding the sails to the winds, but once the sails catch the breeze, adventure will not be far behind.
Maybe the reason why I'm such a standstill is not that the winds aren't blowing, but that I have endured too many storms at open sea to let loose my sails once more.
I have to. I have to loosen up these sails. I cannot stay in living limbo forever. God is waiting for my decision.
Here I go, Lord.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Springtime, a Winter's slumber
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1, King James Version
I know two things as a fact today: one, the days of loneliness in my life are over; two, those days of loneliness will return someday, when life once again draws full circle. Not that life is merely a repetition of yesterday, no. You see, what happened yesterday will happen again and will happen tomorrow, true, but the people who were, are and will be involved are unique. Some will be heroes. Others will be mere scum.
The question is, as winter comes to a close, will I act nobly, or otherwise? Well, for one thing, to not appreciate springtime is to throw away every tear you've shed in waiting for it all throughout winter. On the other hand, to indulge in it is to forget that not too far away another winter waits to smile its hideous grin against you.
I thank God He sent His Son and invented Christmas--it made cruel winter a wonderland. Somehow. I think.
Get to the point! Well, the point is, I have to be careful in enjoying myself in summer's embrace, lest I forget that just barely a few weeks ago I was at the edge of my reason because of the pain at the primacy of loneliness over delight.
It's funny how one needed a reason to be happy, whilst melancholy can easily stand on its own.
But come to think of it, technology has not only made winter bearable, but made it fit into our puny little human hands. Maybe because we were in God's image and His dominion over all things is very much reflected in those who resemble Him most.
Dominion it is. Springtime and Summer were made to help us conquer the coldness of Winter. It is, as with the fable of the ant and the grasshopper, and the power of grace and wisdom kept in the heart of man, like a nuclear reactor, brimming with heat, with strength, with constancy.
Well, it seems I have work to do.
Ecclesiastes 3:1, King James Version
I know two things as a fact today: one, the days of loneliness in my life are over; two, those days of loneliness will return someday, when life once again draws full circle. Not that life is merely a repetition of yesterday, no. You see, what happened yesterday will happen again and will happen tomorrow, true, but the people who were, are and will be involved are unique. Some will be heroes. Others will be mere scum.
The question is, as winter comes to a close, will I act nobly, or otherwise? Well, for one thing, to not appreciate springtime is to throw away every tear you've shed in waiting for it all throughout winter. On the other hand, to indulge in it is to forget that not too far away another winter waits to smile its hideous grin against you.
I thank God He sent His Son and invented Christmas--it made cruel winter a wonderland. Somehow. I think.
Get to the point! Well, the point is, I have to be careful in enjoying myself in summer's embrace, lest I forget that just barely a few weeks ago I was at the edge of my reason because of the pain at the primacy of loneliness over delight.
It's funny how one needed a reason to be happy, whilst melancholy can easily stand on its own.
But come to think of it, technology has not only made winter bearable, but made it fit into our puny little human hands. Maybe because we were in God's image and His dominion over all things is very much reflected in those who resemble Him most.
Dominion it is. Springtime and Summer were made to help us conquer the coldness of Winter. It is, as with the fable of the ant and the grasshopper, and the power of grace and wisdom kept in the heart of man, like a nuclear reactor, brimming with heat, with strength, with constancy.
Well, it seems I have work to do.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Resilience
I kept meditating on Psalm 145 and 146 lately. It's because of a simple phrase that these two psalms had in common.
"The LORD lifts up those who are bowed down..."
I've come to discover that there is this certain quality of my life and my faith that seems to go through each year, resembling that of a perennial season. It was as the same as last year's, and at that time I had Psalm 71 to comfort me then.
"Though you've made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again...and comfort me once again."
And this season is always characterized by three factors:
1. It will always involves a Psalm or two.
2. There is an overpowering high tide of loneliness that finds its source in waiting for God's promise to be brought into fulfillment.
3. A heightened hunger for being alone with God is awakened within me--awakened by the insufficiency of life and everything and everyone around me.
I seem to like this kind of season, though. But it was not an easy task of getting used to. Just last year I was over at the edge of a psychological breakdown. Somehow school and this season don't mix well at all. I kept looking at God's pulling me out of Ateneo--and this time for good--meant a loss for me. But now as the season is once more entering my life, I've begun to see His academic pull-out was actually a noble act of thoughtful mercy. He even risked me getting mad at Him extremely for the sake of sparing me another year in hell because of this.
What gets my attention is that God puts top priority in me mastering and weathering out this season of my life more than a diploma or a college degree. This season, this moment of despair, this wilderness-like drought, I am convinced, is a crucial element within my calling. Not to mention most of my more anointed songs like My Beloved and Maranatha were born in such seasons.
Could it be that this season, in such spiritual conditions, is the spawning time of the songs God placed within me from eternity ago?
He seems to delight in my Spirit-led resilience to tension and external trauma. I wasn't meant to fight back--I tried that once and it only led to tragic consequences with epic losses such as with Hazel Ann, Raisa, and Nicole, to name a few. Escape also is out of the question--doing that almost led me to backsliding with Haydee. Apathy is not a good choice either--I lost my sobriety once through that.
The solution? Endure. Stand. Adapt. Like what Daniel did in the Lion's den. Like what the three friends of Daniel did in the furnace. Like what Jesus did in the streets of Golgotha.
A good friend of mine defined it as "a baptism of fire." And yes, it's here once more. So here I am, worshiping, waiting, enduring. Once again it has become a matter of hope, the essence of Christianity, faith holding strong, love gently dying one day at a time.
"The LORD lifts up those who are bowed down..."
I've come to discover that there is this certain quality of my life and my faith that seems to go through each year, resembling that of a perennial season. It was as the same as last year's, and at that time I had Psalm 71 to comfort me then.
"Though you've made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again...and comfort me once again."
And this season is always characterized by three factors:
1. It will always involves a Psalm or two.
2. There is an overpowering high tide of loneliness that finds its source in waiting for God's promise to be brought into fulfillment.
3. A heightened hunger for being alone with God is awakened within me--awakened by the insufficiency of life and everything and everyone around me.
I seem to like this kind of season, though. But it was not an easy task of getting used to. Just last year I was over at the edge of a psychological breakdown. Somehow school and this season don't mix well at all. I kept looking at God's pulling me out of Ateneo--and this time for good--meant a loss for me. But now as the season is once more entering my life, I've begun to see His academic pull-out was actually a noble act of thoughtful mercy. He even risked me getting mad at Him extremely for the sake of sparing me another year in hell because of this.
What gets my attention is that God puts top priority in me mastering and weathering out this season of my life more than a diploma or a college degree. This season, this moment of despair, this wilderness-like drought, I am convinced, is a crucial element within my calling. Not to mention most of my more anointed songs like My Beloved and Maranatha were born in such seasons.
Could it be that this season, in such spiritual conditions, is the spawning time of the songs God placed within me from eternity ago?
He seems to delight in my Spirit-led resilience to tension and external trauma. I wasn't meant to fight back--I tried that once and it only led to tragic consequences with epic losses such as with Hazel Ann, Raisa, and Nicole, to name a few. Escape also is out of the question--doing that almost led me to backsliding with Haydee. Apathy is not a good choice either--I lost my sobriety once through that.
The solution? Endure. Stand. Adapt. Like what Daniel did in the Lion's den. Like what the three friends of Daniel did in the furnace. Like what Jesus did in the streets of Golgotha.
A good friend of mine defined it as "a baptism of fire." And yes, it's here once more. So here I am, worshiping, waiting, enduring. Once again it has become a matter of hope, the essence of Christianity, faith holding strong, love gently dying one day at a time.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tell My brothers
"Tell My brothers..." -the Resurrected Jesus Christ c/o Matthew 28:10
We always portray Christ crucified, but that's only half the story. We always talk about our struggles, our persecutions, our trials, our temptations, our failures, our worries, our ministries, our hindrances, our problems, our storms, our darkness--but let me tell my brothers that this is still only half the story.
Jesus died. True. But Jesus is not dead. And that's true as well. We serve a Living God. We worship a God who listens to our hearts, who sees with His eyes, who keeps His promises, and He will never die again!
Hear the three most powerful words:
"IT IS FINISHED!!!"
He didn't say, "it will be finished." He didn't say, "it will soon be over." He didn't say, "someday it will be done."
He said, "it is finished!"
And after that He said, "tell My brothers."
Tell His brothers and sisters, those who are dying daily by carrying their crosses, that the most powerful force in the universe was exerted not in the streets or in the churches or in the pulpit! The most powerful force in the universe, the Resurrection Power of Christ, is found in the tomb. Tell them that sleep in the tombs of their trials, hardships and failures, tell His brothers, "He is alive!"
Go ahead. In your spirit go talk to your Jesus. Touch His wounds. Put your fingers by His side, feel the holes man has made on Him. Let yourself know by the Holy Spirit that lives within you how real and how alive is Jesus Christ.
Before you proceed, pause. Get your hands away from the keyboard. Close the monitor. Put down the volume of your sound system or headphone until you hear nothing except yourbeating heart and the sound of your breathing. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, shut out everything around you, and call out to Him, with your lips, with your tongue, with your vocal chords, say it! Say it out loud! Call out His Name! Say it!
Say, "Jesus."
Now that you have seen and have heard and touched Him, Jesus calls out to you, dear reader.
"Go, tell My brothers...they will see Me."
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Evolution of My Heart
For Alyssa,
It all began with John 3:16. My dad told me that salvation is not just necessary but can be so easily and freely obtained. Sometime when I was seven years old, in front of the old traffic light that no longer existed a few feet away from Sta. Lucia Grand Mall, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I remembered it was an overcast day, a Sunday morning as we were going to church. It rained that day. And that is also the story how I fell in love with the rain.
But then my spiritual growth would be stunted to give way to my somewhat unusual carefree childhood. As a young boy of nine, I knew too much but practiced too little. It was in these days I started to live a double-life. A worldly kid in school, a "godly" kid in church, an indolent kid at home. Back then I remembered a day when I was disciplined by my mother and as punishment I would write down "I will not disobey again" for one hundred times. It was the day I learned the incredible power of writing, the real meaning of repentance, and the ability of God to subdue our weaknesses and sinful nature in the flood of His love. It was a friday night. And it was also the first time I was baptized by Christ in the Holy Spirit. I worshiped Him all night til 3am in the morning. I was nine years old.
Spirit without God's Word will blow you up the way billion pounds of air pressure crashes into a balloon not big enough. I still continued to live a double-life and yet haunted everyday by the Spirit's conviction. It tore me apart from within. I began to rebel against family. I became direly confused. I didn't know what to do. It was the time God led me to a specific verse in Scripture, Colossians 2:6,7. Growth came in growing deeper roots into Christ and I began to fight back against sin.
High School became the biggest downfall for me. The sins came back in greater force than ever before. In a time when I was spent and crumbled in all my moral will, God came to the rescue in the form of a youth camp in Lemery, Batangas. The age of Trying ended. The age of Relying began. It came in double-strength, the wind of God. This time it was no longer me growing deeper in God; it was God going deeper into me. It was the day I desired to give God a home. In a world that never once accepted Him, I would give Him a dwelling place. In a world where the Son of Man had no place to rest His head, let Him rest His head in my heart. I determined to make my life a home for God. The verse was Nahum 1:7. He has been a refuge for me. I would now be a refuge for Him, although I still barely understand what that meant c.a. 2003.
Somewhere in between, Satan attacked the one place he knew God loved in me the most: my heart. I fell in love with an unbeliever.
It was at this point in time I made my first songs. In my heart would God create His songs, and Satan knew if he had to destroy my ministry, he would definitely aim at my heart.
But God won me back. He sent an angel right then and there in the midst of my would be first and last date with the girl. He asked, "would you really trade 18 years of my faithfulness for her?"
And from that moment on my heart would be broken and empty. And out of its brokenness and emptiness would God bring forth His melodies into existence. (Rom.4:17)
It was in the rain I knew God. And in the rain I am known by Him. And in the rain will He water the parched souls of this planet. This is my calling. In my incompleteness I am made whole. In my need I am satisfied.
My songs never were never made with endings. Christ Himself must be the ending. And just like a song so would God sing my life into existence. And He will make it beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11,14 ; Rom.8:28)
Amen.
It all began with John 3:16. My dad told me that salvation is not just necessary but can be so easily and freely obtained. Sometime when I was seven years old, in front of the old traffic light that no longer existed a few feet away from Sta. Lucia Grand Mall, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I remembered it was an overcast day, a Sunday morning as we were going to church. It rained that day. And that is also the story how I fell in love with the rain.
But then my spiritual growth would be stunted to give way to my somewhat unusual carefree childhood. As a young boy of nine, I knew too much but practiced too little. It was in these days I started to live a double-life. A worldly kid in school, a "godly" kid in church, an indolent kid at home. Back then I remembered a day when I was disciplined by my mother and as punishment I would write down "I will not disobey again" for one hundred times. It was the day I learned the incredible power of writing, the real meaning of repentance, and the ability of God to subdue our weaknesses and sinful nature in the flood of His love. It was a friday night. And it was also the first time I was baptized by Christ in the Holy Spirit. I worshiped Him all night til 3am in the morning. I was nine years old.
Spirit without God's Word will blow you up the way billion pounds of air pressure crashes into a balloon not big enough. I still continued to live a double-life and yet haunted everyday by the Spirit's conviction. It tore me apart from within. I began to rebel against family. I became direly confused. I didn't know what to do. It was the time God led me to a specific verse in Scripture, Colossians 2:6,7. Growth came in growing deeper roots into Christ and I began to fight back against sin.
High School became the biggest downfall for me. The sins came back in greater force than ever before. In a time when I was spent and crumbled in all my moral will, God came to the rescue in the form of a youth camp in Lemery, Batangas. The age of Trying ended. The age of Relying began. It came in double-strength, the wind of God. This time it was no longer me growing deeper in God; it was God going deeper into me. It was the day I desired to give God a home. In a world that never once accepted Him, I would give Him a dwelling place. In a world where the Son of Man had no place to rest His head, let Him rest His head in my heart. I determined to make my life a home for God. The verse was Nahum 1:7. He has been a refuge for me. I would now be a refuge for Him, although I still barely understand what that meant c.a. 2003.
Somewhere in between, Satan attacked the one place he knew God loved in me the most: my heart. I fell in love with an unbeliever.
It was at this point in time I made my first songs. In my heart would God create His songs, and Satan knew if he had to destroy my ministry, he would definitely aim at my heart.
But God won me back. He sent an angel right then and there in the midst of my would be first and last date with the girl. He asked, "would you really trade 18 years of my faithfulness for her?"
And from that moment on my heart would be broken and empty. And out of its brokenness and emptiness would God bring forth His melodies into existence. (Rom.4:17)
It was in the rain I knew God. And in the rain I am known by Him. And in the rain will He water the parched souls of this planet. This is my calling. In my incompleteness I am made whole. In my need I am satisfied.
My songs never were never made with endings. Christ Himself must be the ending. And just like a song so would God sing my life into existence. And He will make it beautiful in its time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11,14 ; Rom.8:28)
Amen.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Into the Sky
For Sky,
Every once in a while in the life of every genuine believer in Christ, you tend to ask the question: "LORD, what are we fighting for?"
And the question is bigger than just a sentence.
Lord, what are we fighting for? Why does it seem that the Devil is winning somehow in our society today? How come kids whose love for Christ seemed so strong at first somehow vanishes over time?
WHY ARE WE, THE CHURCH, DOING NOTHING AS MILLIONS AROUND SUFFER???
And every once in a while God answers in a whisper, in a still, small voice.
His name was Bryan, friends call him "Sky." He attended a youth camp eager for fun, life and just living it out to the fullest, never knowing that God was already there waiting for Him--in fact God planned everything out for Him all Bryan's life. But Bryan's story wasn't just about himself.
It was also the story of how a young man desperately yearning to change the world found the true meaning of Christ's death and resurrection. It was also MY story, too.
At first glance, Sky was a true-blue gangsta, street-wise, living a very colorful life. At that camp, however, in God's careful scrutiny, I saw the real man from the inside. Bryan was, in God's eyes, "a man of steel with a heart of gold." Right then and there in those short five days of that camp I watched how God's love and justice forge this man. I was completely overwhelmed.
Then the first word God ever spoke to me for a very long time.
"See, my son. It is possible."
Whatever I wanted this nation to be, a people who would be holy, merciful and just before the LORD, it is most certainly possible. In five days he made a miracle out of Bryan. But I never knew He would make a miracle out of me, too.
Bryan had potential. Somehow inside his soul I can see eagles' wings. His nickname, Sky, was most definitely appropriate for him. God built this man to fly, farther and higher than what I could ever possibly achieve. I wish there was some way I could communicate this to him, that God most certainly had great things in store for him: but there's a catch.
I wish I could tell Sky that God chose him and set him apart because God knew he would understand the meaning of the word "Loyalty." The word "Faith" in the Bible was translated from the Latin word "Fides" which means "Loyalty." Having come from a fraternity, even heading one at that, God knew Bryan understood what God demanded out of him: Loyalty, to the death, no turning back now.
"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His." -2 Chronicles 16:9
Unfortunately, the man in the Bible whom God told this to, King Asa, failed to be loyal to the LORD his God. I know Bryan is not like this king, so God tells him before hand.
Before a great victory there must be a great war. The greater the war, the greater the victory.
But the war Sky would have to face for the days ahead would be a war unlike anything he has ever encountered in his entire life. It would be a war done not by weapons like knives or guns. This would be a war inside the hearts of men. God wants souls saved and lives changed. This was a war that involved courage and conviction, love and truth.
"We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient." -2Corinthians 10:3-6
It would also be my war as well as I would have to fight along side him.
But the greatest of these would be this: I have never seen a man who has genuinely loved other people as Bryan did. Being given so little love in his lifetime, I find it so amazing that he has given so much away for others. I was one of them that was blessed by his heart. A close friend of mine even commended him saying, "Tol, iba yan si Bryan. May matinding calling yan sa LORD."
And in this God showed me more than just a battlefield of souls being won or lost.
I saw something far more.
“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. " -Matthew 6:19-21
Hence the second whisper of Jesus to my heart:
"The only treasure you have in heaven are relationships. Friends, family, loved ones--these are the treasures that Jesus Christ died for and thus prove their true worth. And He lives again to take good care of them."
Bryan is a treasure to me as I was to him. Not only him, but the rest of the people in that camp whom I've been friends with. Jesus Christ did not die for programs; not for presentations; not for politics; not even for power.
Jesus Christ DIED and LIVES AGAIN for PEOPLE.
He loved us with an everlasting love. And that was why He was demanding loyalty from all of us, me, Bryan, and the rest of the Church.
The world needs God and we will be the ones who would share Him and His love to them.
I stretched out the wings of my soul in the pages you have thus read before you, hoping that you too would spread your wings with me.
To fly into the sky, towards the ends of the earth shouting what great love has been given to us and to make our dreams alive once again, that happiness and peace was possible in this planet despite the existence of pain, that forgiveness need not to be faked out anymore.
Yes, as Christ Jesus flew away 2,000 years ago we too would fly with Him into the sky. And we wish as many as possible could join us.
"We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the Christians who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words." -1Thessalonians 4:15-18
Looking forward to flying with you, bro. Godspeed!
-Into the sky, Andrew Caleb T. Gorospe, 28th of April, 2009 1:48am
Every once in a while in the life of every genuine believer in Christ, you tend to ask the question: "LORD, what are we fighting for?"
And the question is bigger than just a sentence.
Lord, what are we fighting for? Why does it seem that the Devil is winning somehow in our society today? How come kids whose love for Christ seemed so strong at first somehow vanishes over time?
WHY ARE WE, THE CHURCH, DOING NOTHING AS MILLIONS AROUND SUFFER???
And every once in a while God answers in a whisper, in a still, small voice.
His name was Bryan, friends call him "Sky." He attended a youth camp eager for fun, life and just living it out to the fullest, never knowing that God was already there waiting for Him--in fact God planned everything out for Him all Bryan's life. But Bryan's story wasn't just about himself.
It was also the story of how a young man desperately yearning to change the world found the true meaning of Christ's death and resurrection. It was also MY story, too.
At first glance, Sky was a true-blue gangsta, street-wise, living a very colorful life. At that camp, however, in God's careful scrutiny, I saw the real man from the inside. Bryan was, in God's eyes, "a man of steel with a heart of gold." Right then and there in those short five days of that camp I watched how God's love and justice forge this man. I was completely overwhelmed.
Then the first word God ever spoke to me for a very long time.
"See, my son. It is possible."
Whatever I wanted this nation to be, a people who would be holy, merciful and just before the LORD, it is most certainly possible. In five days he made a miracle out of Bryan. But I never knew He would make a miracle out of me, too.
Bryan had potential. Somehow inside his soul I can see eagles' wings. His nickname, Sky, was most definitely appropriate for him. God built this man to fly, farther and higher than what I could ever possibly achieve. I wish there was some way I could communicate this to him, that God most certainly had great things in store for him: but there's a catch.
I wish I could tell Sky that God chose him and set him apart because God knew he would understand the meaning of the word "Loyalty." The word "Faith" in the Bible was translated from the Latin word "Fides" which means "Loyalty." Having come from a fraternity, even heading one at that, God knew Bryan understood what God demanded out of him: Loyalty, to the death, no turning back now.
"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His." -2 Chronicles 16:9
Unfortunately, the man in the Bible whom God told this to, King Asa, failed to be loyal to the LORD his God. I know Bryan is not like this king, so God tells him before hand.
Before a great victory there must be a great war. The greater the war, the greater the victory.
But the war Sky would have to face for the days ahead would be a war unlike anything he has ever encountered in his entire life. It would be a war done not by weapons like knives or guns. This would be a war inside the hearts of men. God wants souls saved and lives changed. This was a war that involved courage and conviction, love and truth.
"We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient." -2Corinthians 10:3-6
It would also be my war as well as I would have to fight along side him.
But the greatest of these would be this: I have never seen a man who has genuinely loved other people as Bryan did. Being given so little love in his lifetime, I find it so amazing that he has given so much away for others. I was one of them that was blessed by his heart. A close friend of mine even commended him saying, "Tol, iba yan si Bryan. May matinding calling yan sa LORD."
And in this God showed me more than just a battlefield of souls being won or lost.
I saw something far more.
Hence the second whisper of Jesus to my heart:
"The only treasure you have in heaven are relationships. Friends, family, loved ones--these are the treasures that Jesus Christ died for and thus prove their true worth. And He lives again to take good care of them."
Bryan is a treasure to me as I was to him. Not only him, but the rest of the people in that camp whom I've been friends with. Jesus Christ did not die for programs; not for presentations; not for politics; not even for power.
Jesus Christ DIED and LIVES AGAIN for PEOPLE.
He loved us with an everlasting love. And that was why He was demanding loyalty from all of us, me, Bryan, and the rest of the Church.
The world needs God and we will be the ones who would share Him and His love to them.
I stretched out the wings of my soul in the pages you have thus read before you, hoping that you too would spread your wings with me.
To fly into the sky, towards the ends of the earth shouting what great love has been given to us and to make our dreams alive once again, that happiness and peace was possible in this planet despite the existence of pain, that forgiveness need not to be faked out anymore.
Yes, as Christ Jesus flew away 2,000 years ago we too would fly with Him into the sky. And we wish as many as possible could join us.
"We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the Christians who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words." -1Thessalonians 4:15-18
Looking forward to flying with you, bro. Godspeed!
-Into the sky, Andrew Caleb T. Gorospe, 28th of April, 2009 1:48am
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Wood (results from a quiz in Facebook)
You are Wood, an interesting element indeed. Made of tough stuff, you are. You have an outer shell that can protect you from most things and, unlike Metal, your shell is one built on logic and experience instead of one hastily put up to protect you from being hurt (though it functions in that way as well). Wood has the least personality of the elemental personae and is the most effected by the other elements (needs water to breathe, water to drink, earth to grow from, fire destroys it). Though to balance all of that out, you can heal far more easily than the rest (which is good, because if you do fall, bouncing back will be horrendously difficult). You are stable, stubborn almost, but smarts and common sense are your roots that keep you in place. Your place in the world: You are the wizened old soul whose mere existence proves that anything's possible.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
And
Freedom is scary. Why? Because freedom will compel you to face the consequences of your actions. Freedom means when mistakes happen there will be no one to blame, not even yourself, for everything within freedom is a learning experience.
And here's something I've discovered lately. Freedom can be lonely, too. Few dare venture into freedom, and even fewer respect it with dignity. Freedom is about responsibility.
And costly, too. It took no less than the life of a God's Son to buy it for us. It is not something cheap that we should play with it as if it were a toy. But if it were not exercised it's as if you have treated Christ's sacrifice as worthless and irrelevant.
And freedom requires that you learn all things the hard way. Freedom means to live in a fallen world, a lonely world, a world where people forget that they need each other too. Not as in the sense of food and water just like we need God. But need in the sense that even in perfectness God in His infinite wisdom declared it not good for one to be alone.
And freedom is lonely when one forgets this fact. Freedom was meant to be enjoyed with responsible hearts AND with beloved friends.
Yes, AND.
And here's something I've discovered lately. Freedom can be lonely, too. Few dare venture into freedom, and even fewer respect it with dignity. Freedom is about responsibility.
And costly, too. It took no less than the life of a God's Son to buy it for us. It is not something cheap that we should play with it as if it were a toy. But if it were not exercised it's as if you have treated Christ's sacrifice as worthless and irrelevant.
And freedom requires that you learn all things the hard way. Freedom means to live in a fallen world, a lonely world, a world where people forget that they need each other too. Not as in the sense of food and water just like we need God. But need in the sense that even in perfectness God in His infinite wisdom declared it not good for one to be alone.
And freedom is lonely when one forgets this fact. Freedom was meant to be enjoyed with responsible hearts AND with beloved friends.
Yes, AND.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Christ, the Absolute
Whether we like it or not, Christ and Him crucified has become the center of the universe. Redemption in Him is the only Absolute. A resolute anchor to hold onto. A refuge from any situation. And sometimes, you just have to return to Christ.
These are such days. Sigh.
These are such days. Sigh.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Renovation
Okay, maybe Rei isn't the one for me after all. But there are some things that must be settled straight in me.
The LORD's infinite wisdom does not allow itself to be boxed in with human restraints--it goes beyond. That there is a multiplicity of His Will scattered all throughout our choices, that His view of things, since He already knows all things from their beginning to end and the courses these things take in their journey towards completion--this means that God honors our freedom to the very point of protecting it from the limits of our reason.
That I have the power to choose if Hannah Rachel will be the one or not. I can make her to be the one, and I can also choose not to make her.
God wanted this principle to be alive in me for the reason that He wants me to take full responsibility for my actions. That the very mistakes I've committed weren't all mistakes--most were just good choices with relatively bad consequences. But my childish way of treating the bad consequences blinded me to the good, unseen, eternal consequences that were entwined with the
good ones.
And this time, He would not be put in a box any more. New chapter, new paradigms, new ways of handling life--with its highly eccentric seasons.
And this time, it will still be about what Christ can do, not what Caleb can do. So this time, I will just hold on to what I still have, let go if I must, endure until perseverance finishes its work and let God be God. Amen.
Renovations.
The LORD's infinite wisdom does not allow itself to be boxed in with human restraints--it goes beyond. That there is a multiplicity of His Will scattered all throughout our choices, that His view of things, since He already knows all things from their beginning to end and the courses these things take in their journey towards completion--this means that God honors our freedom to the very point of protecting it from the limits of our reason.
That I have the power to choose if Hannah Rachel will be the one or not. I can make her to be the one, and I can also choose not to make her.
God wanted this principle to be alive in me for the reason that He wants me to take full responsibility for my actions. That the very mistakes I've committed weren't all mistakes--most were just good choices with relatively bad consequences. But my childish way of treating the bad consequences blinded me to the good, unseen, eternal consequences that were entwined with the
good ones.
And this time, He would not be put in a box any more. New chapter, new paradigms, new ways of handling life--with its highly eccentric seasons.
And this time, it will still be about what Christ can do, not what Caleb can do. So this time, I will just hold on to what I still have, let go if I must, endure until perseverance finishes its work and let God be God. Amen.
Renovations.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
"Up" days and "Down" days
"While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease." Genesis 8:22
As long as we live in this planet, these four laws apply, always, even within the Kingdom of God.
What we sow we reap--seedtime and harvest. Sometimes we grow cold in ministry, sometimes we're on fire--cold and heat. Some days people are warm to us, but sometimes cold enough to hate us to death--summer and winter. There are moments when everything we do are so right, and moments when everything we do seems to fail, darkest moments of our lives--day and night.
But the wonder of wonders is that a constant remains, an unchanging absolute where we can all cling to.
"The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the Word of our God shall stand forever." Isa. 40:8
We cling to the Word--the Scriptures, His very great and precious and unchanging promises. We cling to Christ--the Word incarnate, His very great and precious and unchanging character.
We cling. Whether it be seedtime or harvest, cold or heat, summer or winter, day or night, in God's Word, within the shadow of His wings, in the shelter of His promises we are safe.
As long as we live in this planet, these four laws apply, always, even within the Kingdom of God.
What we sow we reap--seedtime and harvest. Sometimes we grow cold in ministry, sometimes we're on fire--cold and heat. Some days people are warm to us, but sometimes cold enough to hate us to death--summer and winter. There are moments when everything we do are so right, and moments when everything we do seems to fail, darkest moments of our lives--day and night.
But the wonder of wonders is that a constant remains, an unchanging absolute where we can all cling to.
"The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the Word of our God shall stand forever." Isa. 40:8
We cling to the Word--the Scriptures, His very great and precious and unchanging promises. We cling to Christ--the Word incarnate, His very great and precious and unchanging character.
We cling. Whether it be seedtime or harvest, cold or heat, summer or winter, day or night, in God's Word, within the shadow of His wings, in the shelter of His promises we are safe.
Ways of God
"Trust in Him at all times: ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us. Selah." Psalm 62:8
Just recently God restored a a wounded friendship of mine. And it was such a beautiful thing, so beautiful I had a hard time swallowing the truth that was happpening right before my eyes. But before that, the crisis.
You see, I vividly remember the few steps I embarked entering her church. I loved another woman whom I deeply believe is the "one" for me, but she was a friend of mine. A friend deserves to hear the truth. This was my conviction, and it led me to draw lines between me and my friend because of my love for my "one." It made terrible repercussions and it really hurt the both of us.
Somehow, my integrity was on the line. And shame was a word I kept hearing in my head. But then, this verse kept me strong. I didn't hear it verbatim, but its soul, its heart, its message glowed within me like the surface of the moon when faced into the sun.
"God is a refuge for us." That was the essence. That this really is a new chapter, about what God, not Caleb, can do for me.
Wisdom, Jesus said, is proven right by her actions. The wisdom was found scattered all throughout the psalms.
"In God I have put my trust: I will not be afrain what man can do unto me." Ps.56:11
"Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear Him, upon them that hope in his mercy; To deliver them from death, and to keep them alive in famine." Ps.33:17,18
And my eyes testify these words are very much true. They reflect the new chapter, and God is establishing the foundations of this new chapter in my life.
Just recently God restored a a wounded friendship of mine. And it was such a beautiful thing, so beautiful I had a hard time swallowing the truth that was happpening right before my eyes. But before that, the crisis.
You see, I vividly remember the few steps I embarked entering her church. I loved another woman whom I deeply believe is the "one" for me, but she was a friend of mine. A friend deserves to hear the truth. This was my conviction, and it led me to draw lines between me and my friend because of my love for my "one." It made terrible repercussions and it really hurt the both of us.
Somehow, my integrity was on the line. And shame was a word I kept hearing in my head. But then, this verse kept me strong. I didn't hear it verbatim, but its soul, its heart, its message glowed within me like the surface of the moon when faced into the sun.
"God is a refuge for us." That was the essence. That this really is a new chapter, about what God, not Caleb, can do for me.
Wisdom, Jesus said, is proven right by her actions. The wisdom was found scattered all throughout the psalms.
"In God I have put my trust: I will not be afrain what man can do unto me." Ps.56:11
"Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear Him, upon them that hope in his mercy; To deliver them from death, and to keep them alive in famine." Ps.33:17,18
And my eyes testify these words are very much true. They reflect the new chapter, and God is establishing the foundations of this new chapter in my life.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Courage
One word that defines a hero. Fear is probably the greatest enemy a Chrisitan faces in this life. We live by faith therefore the opposite of faith would be tantamount to dying, right? Fear.
Recently, God gave me a test. He gave me two beautiful women, in my hands. With the power to do anything to them at will, God wanted to see what I would do. I had three options: one, wait and just let it flow, getting close to both yet totally unsure of both their feelings; two, press on one and grab, rejecting the other; three, lie to one so as to accept the feelings of one whilst in the heart rejected the other.
I chose door number two. I picked one based on who reminds me of God the most, then drew an irrevirsible line in between me and the other. It would seem that I did pick the right one, but the one I rejected hated me badly. I opened up freshly healed wounds and made the gashes deeper than ever. I knew they were there but the pressing need of making a decision was too great a temptation to pass.
I feared, I trembled. And I made a wrong decision. Now, I still fear and tremble and I do not know what to do.
The moment has come, again. The lesson must be learned. Then I remembered what God promised me concering this new chapter "It's not what you can do anymore, it's whay I can do and will be doing from now on."
I believed. And there I knew exactly what courage is about.
Courage is the evidence of personal victory over fear. That means courage must be fought for and we win it by the guns of grace, by the Spirit, by the blood of Jesus.
The girl I picked reminded me of the verse:
"So do not fear, I am with you."
Courage. The new chapter.
Recently, God gave me a test. He gave me two beautiful women, in my hands. With the power to do anything to them at will, God wanted to see what I would do. I had three options: one, wait and just let it flow, getting close to both yet totally unsure of both their feelings; two, press on one and grab, rejecting the other; three, lie to one so as to accept the feelings of one whilst in the heart rejected the other.
I chose door number two. I picked one based on who reminds me of God the most, then drew an irrevirsible line in between me and the other. It would seem that I did pick the right one, but the one I rejected hated me badly. I opened up freshly healed wounds and made the gashes deeper than ever. I knew they were there but the pressing need of making a decision was too great a temptation to pass.
I feared, I trembled. And I made a wrong decision. Now, I still fear and tremble and I do not know what to do.
The moment has come, again. The lesson must be learned. Then I remembered what God promised me concering this new chapter "It's not what you can do anymore, it's whay I can do and will be doing from now on."
I believed. And there I knew exactly what courage is about.
Courage is the evidence of personal victory over fear. That means courage must be fought for and we win it by the guns of grace, by the Spirit, by the blood of Jesus.
The girl I picked reminded me of the verse:
"So do not fear, I am with you."
Courage. The new chapter.
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Fullness of Time
When God finally fulfills His promises after so long, it's so different from what you expect it to be. He's gonna do it to the last detail of what He said it would be, but completely different from what you'd expect it to be. The Hebrews expected God's salvation from the grip of Pharaoh's hands but never through what happened in Exodus. They never thought the Promised land involved wilderness journeys and armies of giants. The Jews expected a Messiah in the order of David, Warrior-King. They got a carpenter's son, born in a manger, died a criminal, with absolutely zero income. The world wanted proof of God's existence in signs and wonders--God sent His invisible Holy Spirit, who never shouts but only whispers, who never strikes but only touches.
And a young man born in the 21st Century wanted a wife for his own, a girl he'd really like, a girl who really is in love with him, with a Levite lineage, and someone who sees through his heart. God granted his requests finally, but it didn't happen with fanfare and trumpets, neither did it happen in some romantic evening.
It happened with a mistake, a decision for a lifetime.
He pushed both women away--only one came back.
And her name was Hannah Rachel Mia.
Right then and there, God sealed the new chapter with what He told the boy earlier 2009:
"This time, it will not be about what you can do for the LORD. This will be what the LORD has done, is doing and will be doing for you, in you, through you."
The first twenty one years of my life had been about Andrew Caleb. The next years would be about the LORD Jesus Christ, and the fulfillment of His Promises.
And a young man born in the 21st Century wanted a wife for his own, a girl he'd really like, a girl who really is in love with him, with a Levite lineage, and someone who sees through his heart. God granted his requests finally, but it didn't happen with fanfare and trumpets, neither did it happen in some romantic evening.
It happened with a mistake, a decision for a lifetime.
He pushed both women away--only one came back.
And her name was Hannah Rachel Mia.
Right then and there, God sealed the new chapter with what He told the boy earlier 2009:
"This time, it will not be about what you can do for the LORD. This will be what the LORD has done, is doing and will be doing for you, in you, through you."
The first twenty one years of my life had been about Andrew Caleb. The next years would be about the LORD Jesus Christ, and the fulfillment of His Promises.
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